härrale.

Kord aastas kui lootus kaob,

ja südames jällegi on vaod.

Sa tunned, et tühine on pingutus

värskuseta on ringitus

Su ähvardused avavad haavad mu sees

oled julm ja hoolimatu mees

Sõnad nii "muret täis" mu kõrvu kriibivad

pisarad- need vaid hetkeks viivitavad

Ja silmad, need rohelised ja varjamata

ainukesena tõtt ei jäta rääkimata

seest vaikib suu, ja sõnu ei kuule

ometigi ei mõtle ma millelegi muule...

finding feeling...

Kell on 8.04. Olen juba tunnikese üleval olnud- kohvi joonud ja oma bakalaureust kirjutanud. Caitlinit, Otti ja Marit kuulanud. Mõnus mõnus nädal on olnud. Töö on lihtsalt nii hea, põnev ja inspireeriv. Kool on arendav. Inimesed (need õiged) on südant soojendavad ja elu on ikka lill.

Ja nädal pole isegi läbi mitte! Täna siis koolitusele ökukatega ja laupäeval maale õppima: ) Tundub chill enough. Järgmine neljapäev juba Kreekasse.

Ja väljas, akna taga on päike.

Do you recall the way I
used to practise what I believed
but now I am falling down
It crept up on me 
while I was sleeping
softly, surprise gravity too a hold of me
I know it´s time to wake up
Cuz it hurts too much to make up
The colors that just make me real
I´M FINALLY FINDING FEELINGS 
THAT REMIND ME OF ME
i´M FINALLY FINDING FEELINGS
THAT REMIND ME OF A GIRL I USED TO BE
I did not like the way you
Pushed yourself on me like
a hurricane that came crashing down
Though I did not stop
The many changes I clocked
I did not have a hold of me
I know it´s time to wake up
Cuz it hurts too much to make up
The colors that just make me real
I know there´ll never be another
One like me
So I won´t be playin´undercover
Cuz now I see
My braces will come off tomorrow

And I´ll be smilin´

Cuz I´ll be me.

avastasin just, et aprill on...

Rääkisime just isaga veidi aega...tema tööst ja asjades ja muidu ja naersimegi ise. Ja siis hakkasingi mõtlema, et aprill on juba. Jaanuarist on juba nii palju möödas. Veider, mäletan viimaste aastate jaanuarikuid, ei tahaks küll. Aga praegu on juba aprill:) Loodan, et seda nüüd ära ei sõnanud!

Ignorantsusest

Kai kirjutas mulle eile hommikul mu FB lausete pärast. Ma vastasin talle ja siis vastas tema mulle. Ja midagi nii rohkem õiget asja ei saakski mulle öelda:)

Mõningad väljavõtted:

Ignorance is bliss. I said it, i stand by it. But ignorance is also ignorance. And it blocks out the wisdom, knowledge and curiosity that makes the world so much rounder. Truth is, I'd trade bliss any day for all the pain and happiness of understanding, experience, not understanding, struggling and fighting of how things are and why. People like you and me suffer from this as much as they thrive from it. So how do we deal with us and the society? All the customs and rules that others seem to to live by unquestioned?

For me, that answer is: Pick you battles.

Fight for it when it's worth it and let it go when it's not. I cannot choose ignorance, but i can choose "let it be". There is a reason why we spend talking through half of the night with some people about god and the world and choose more profane things with others. And that's ok. You can't win every battle, but you always have the (wisdom of) choice. And that can be a much greater gift than unconditional bliss.

--

Yes, people are just F***ING STUPID sometimes ;)

--

I of course cannot tell you a recipe for how to deal with it but my thoughts are as follows: Ignorance is the easy way out. Or at least so it seems. But it wouldn't make you happy since you are way past unconditional surrender to mindless simplicity. Instead, embrace the joy and happiness you can get from understanding the world, wanting to know how it works and the endless curiosity. Pick the battles you really care about and fight them with a smile. Never forget how much more alive you are with every step you take, how much you can grow and how much more you can experience. And the happiness that you will get from that is f***ing contagious. ;)

This does not lead to bliss (and ignorance) but to enlightenment.

And that's how you can hold an angry rant with a smile on your face. Not a smile of cynicism but a smile of possibilities.